And so…it continues…

I went to the nurse last Thursday, and frankly, she was a bitch to me. She did nothing but slate me and tell me how high and almighty WeightWatchers is…bear in mind that this nurse is a thin as a rake and STILL goes to the aforementioned all high and almighty! She weighed me, and I discovered that my efforts have not gone unmarked and that I had in fact, at that time, lost over 21 pounds since I weighed myself 2 months previously! [Yes I did nearly die at that point!]

Anyway, rant over, this week, I have been fairly bad I guess, in terms of eating healthily as much as I would have liked but I have continued doing the exercise. Instead of simply writing the food I have eaten down in my food diary [and in the case of this week not putting EVERYTHING down, only most things…*shines my halo*], I have also started writing down exercise/activity. This way, she can see what I’m doing as well as eating.

She weighed me again this week, and I had lost a further 4.3 pounds! Which means that since I first weighed myself, I have lost a total of 24.8 pounds! 

ARGH!

Now all I have to do, is keep going!

I CAN DO THIS!

And so it begins…

The doctors on Tuesday was…interesting…she didn’t even weight me…but she has referred me for a blood test to check my thyroid [again] among other things…and that is Thursday coming [not today]. I also have to go and see the nurse, probably every other week to manage my weight etc…and as suspected, I have to keep a food diary…what better way to do that than to post photos of the pages here for you lot to keep an eye on me…

Sorry it’s taken so long to post an update on Tuesday’s appointment but I have just been trying to get my head around it as well as a lot of other things that are going on at the moment.

So…here goes…

[I’ll post the pics later]

So…tomorrow is the big day…

Tomorrow…it’s here…tomorrow is the day I go to see my doctor about my weight and depression problems, it’s been a long time coming [a very long time!] but it’s finally here…

Am I worried? Scared? Honestly? I’m shitting bricks about it…

So…this really is it…the new beginning has begun…yesterday was the first day I did everything that I said I would, I ate more healthy food in smaller portions, drank more water and squash and I did my 50 sit ups and 20 leg pulls on each leg…

This morning I have phoned the doctor and gotten myself an appointment to go and see her and speak to her about my problems and so hopefully, I’m headed down the right path now. We shall see.

Today is the day

So, today is the day where my head has finally kicked in. After doing some work with young mums and their kids, a documentary series that has been running on BBC3 caught my attention on iplayer. The “Misbehaving Mum’s To Be” series on pregnant women, not all of whom are young, who “misbehave” during their pregnancies to the extent that it threatens the life of their unborn children, has really hit a nerve. A lot of the women featured are heavy smokers who have continued smoking up to and sometimes more than 20 cigarettes a day during their pregnancy, but some are overweight or even underweight.

I know that what I heard in the 2 episodes that I have seen so far, is nothing new to me, but it has really inspired me to get my arse properly in gear and do something about my weight properly. Sure i’ve been eating smaller, more healthy portions of food, not been having seconds and cutting right down on the junk and sweets side of things, but I have still been “treating” myself every now and then. Oh, just so you know, i’m most definitely NOT pregnant! [Just thought i’d get that out there]

I know I have been losing weight slowly, and have lost a small amount, but it isn’t enough for me. I know the risks of being overweight, increased risk of diabetes, heart conditions, high blood pressure etc etc, and to be honest, this documentary has done nothing but scare the hell out of me. The girls who were “overweight” in this documentary were only weighing in at about 16 stone…I weigh in at somewhere between 18 and 19…yea…so i’m not pregnant, but even so, that can’t be good right? 

Combined with the hideous results I had from a photo shoot with some friends about 2 weeks ago, in which I just looked like a pink blob, needless to say I am just a lil depressed right now.

I’ve always been a big girl, and despite doing what I said I would do when I first started out this blog, and having a few slip ups, I still don’t feel like I have really gotten anywhere. I mean, sure my jeans and trousers are looser, but that’s about it. I most certainly really do no feel any better about myself at all. So, I am acting on it. I’m going to do this and I’m going to do it properly this time. I’m phoning the doctor tomorrow to get an appointment to see her, I’m eating dinner of smaller plates, even if i feel hungry after, i’m snacking on fruit and veg only and i’m clearing my room properly so that I can do some proper exercise.

I will learn to love myself for who I am and what I look like, and I will NOT get shot down again.